The rest of Expert Lewis’s story from last week’s Ask the Experts Panel, in his own words this time. Don’t forget to play the puzzler from that same post! I’ll reveal the answer on Friday.

From Lewis:

Get on board, the DA Express is leaving you don’t need no ticket just get on board.

Why in fact you might have taken a turn in the driver’s seat yourself,

If not good for you, for  idiots are a dime a dozen

Now maybe you think you want to ride with me the DA Express driver cause  I’m so cool, calm and collected, I’ve got my stuff together.

Seldom does my stuff slip off my plate, my cage get rattled, the fool slip his bounds, do I play with a short deck.

Occasionally though I descend into the pits of stupidity, madness and dumbassness, ready to be as moronic as the rest of the crowd. Last week I was the other moron behind the wheel.

I watched the fool coming up fast behind me, driving like hell, changing lanes and tailgating the car in the outer lanes. He couldn’t get pass, too much traffic so he roars up on my butt the stupid Cadillac symbol fills my mirror and back window he’s so close.

So like the gentleman I’m not, I slow down effectively blocking his passage. I can see much displeasure and anger in his face and it brings me a sadistic smile to my face.

For several block this madness continues, till at the next traffic light I go through the Yellow and him the Red. As he zooms by me I give him the One Finger salute. He slows down, I catch up, our windows down, his gentle voice reaches me “What the hell you flip my off for”. My charmed reply “What the hell you tailgating me for”

“You were blocking traffic” my special friend yells

“You were tailgating”

“Blocking traffic”

“Tailgating”

“Blocking Traffic”

“Tailgating”

“Blocking Traffic”

“Tailgating”

“Blocking Traffic”

“Tailgating”

These two idiots continue this Tomfoolery for a block or two like they are the

only fools on the road

Tailgater in a huff shouts a challenge “What are going to do about it”

I grab my phone/camera and point it out the window

Course I couldn’t get it to work’ but he didn’t know it

So what does he do, sticks his phone out the window and shouts “Nan, nan, nan I can do that too”.

So now the fool has my picture and my official car number

Did I fail to mention that I’m driving in my official vehicle and wearing my issued work vest

Tailgater moves ahead down the road,

I contemplate my stupidity and the consequences of my actions, “Good move dipstick”

I say to myself, thinking of all the wonderful stuff that this fine citizen will have to say about me after he reports me to 311 / Citizen Complaint line.

At the light ahead Tailgater is stopped, I pull up next to him, roll down the window and motion to TG.

I say out the window “Hey I’m sorry for being a Dumbass”, TG nods and says “Yeah me too”

I continue “We don’t need to do this, there is enough crap in the world without doing something stupid like this.

TG give me a slight smile, a short wave and drives off.

Drive Safe Dumbass I think, it is meant for him and me and maybe you.

How easy our house of cards can crumble when common sense and courtesy are forgotten and rudeness rules.

No complaint was lodged but only by the grace of God.

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